Well what a shock. He comes out of his hiding place"Hugs me and says I love you". I guess he thought that is it now everything is over nothing left to do but carry on. I told him I love you too, but you have hurt me so badly I don't know how to try and work this out to recover our marriage. I never thought I would be the wife who stands by a husband who publicly humiliated her and violated every marriage vow. How and where do I find the strength to stay and make a life out of Chaos? I have always been the one to do without, never ask for anything and try to not be a bother, guess I always feared that if I ask to have my needs( emotional and physical) met no one would think I deserved it. I still wear underwear I bought 9 years ago, before I spent my lawsuit settlement on a house he wanted. But he gets new underclothes, jeans ,and shirts when ever he wants them. I did buy two pair of knee length shorts at Sam's Club this year for $8.00, so I have some that are not torn up to wear in public. He gave me some of his PJ bottoms he bought that are to short,to wear, as mine are all worn out and my gowns are to small for me and I use them for tops. SO I guess I did get clothes to wear I should be grateful for his thoughtfulness and how well he provides for my needs and wants. He never buys me cards,gifts, or writes me letters come to think of it he has never taken me out not even before we married. He has never saved up for a short vacation unless Bobby's paying for us to visit counts. Or me driving him somewhere to fish or visit his friends while I sit in the car for hours.
I was fooled by his act and truly believed him when he said he was not going to go back into 2nd life again. Stupid stupid me. Then truth slowly came out she blocked him from her area, sent him a very emotional and hurt e-mail before his I love you" act" then sent one that said good-bye. He had a special e-mail account for his rendezvous with her ie: so he could set up 2nd life account number 2 after getting into a mess on account number 1. Then when I ask could I read or see some of her e-mails he came unwound "NO NO NOT NOW LET ME THINK NOT NOW NO NO" while wildly pacing around the room looking as if he had been caught doing something wrong and didn't know just how to hide it. Guess he was saving them for later so he could savor his conquest and pictures of her the women he wants. He claims he went in and deleted the account on g-mail and didn't want me to see one from a 65 year old lady who offered him a place to build MC's in 2nd life,now that DINA has blocked him, as she calls everyone love. What a crock of shit. He is still lying, denying and hiding things he is doing wrong. Like I told him from the start if you have to hide it you already know what you are doing is wrong. He of course did tell me he should have talked to me as he was unhappy. He said he was frustrated with my MS( new excuse) m aynd having to fight to get a diagnosis and implied that I should have still been able to keep his house clean,cook, make sure the bills were paid and he had money for what he needed and wanted. I just flat told him "I don't buy into it is all my fault", I tried to include him in the process of my illness and what it would be like to live with it or with me. I tried to get him involved in a family counseling type thing through MSSA or go on retreats,some free some maybe $40.00 for a weekend everything included. He always said he was not interested, I searched the internet for as much information as I could . He never bothered to leave 2nd life and DINA long enough to try and learn anything about MS. SO he claims I shut him out and told him I didn't need his help. Wonder why???? Guess maybe I thought after being told I am not interested often enough he wasn't interested and wanted to be left alone about it.
I told him before he left for work "I FORGIVE YOU" that doesn't mean all is well and I will continue to be mistreated it simply means I refuse to take responsibility for the decisions he has made. I will never trust him again in this life, I realize he was much to good at lying, hiding and denying this mess for a year for this to be the first time he has lied to me. My guess is this is just the first time he has been caught. He not only destroyed our relationship, his lies have made it impossible for me to ever speak or see his mother or sister again, he caused a rift in the relationship I had with my three sons and if he finally leaves me or forces me to be moved out I will lose the joy of watching Eric's twins grow up and I love those little girls as if they were my own.
Today is a day of beginnings Corbin ,Bob's son, started 4th grade and I am starting over with nothing again.
Nothing seems to be all I have ever had, I have even been homeless and lived in a van and had more than I have today. Then I had hope,confidence,health and the ability to trust other people. I have lost everything thanks to my decision to marry him. So in many ways he is right. It is all my fault,, I chose to marry him. I made sacred vows I meant and still mean to keep. Oh yeah he informed me he will never believe in the Morman Church. I ask him what faith he did believe he said he believe there is 1 god but he believes in and he described "witchcraft" but said it isn't witchcraft. I do believe there are Demons on this earth and I also believe that there are Angel's and a Prophet on this earth. So I see there will be a great problem in the religious area. My dream of being sealed as an eternal family in the Temple was dashed on the rocks just like my trust and faith in him. I ask him to think about just what he wants and what the steps to work this out are on his way home from work and to talk to me tonight.
I remembered a letter his father wrote him in 1974. I think when he and Diana were having problems and that Ken wrote he knew Steve was in need of prayer because of his lifestyle and problems. So I found it in my papers and placed it on his keyboard in his hidey hole for him to read and think about. He should be glad his Dad did not live to see him now. I don't know what Ken would think of Steve now. At Ken's funeral many people spoke of the fact that he was so honorable and trust worthy, and how he lived his faith not just spoke the words on Sunday but lived it everyday. Steve is nothing like his father. Kind of makes me think Steve's mother Jean, is not all the crap she would like people to think and Steve is like her. After Ken died she quite going to church unless it benefited her in some way. She has a holier than thou attitude but I just thought it was for her own benefit so she could think she was someone she wasn't. I really like his Grandmother, she was honest about the things she did to get by after Jeans dad left her. She even slept with and old uncle and stole money to buy Jean fancy clothes and Gladey was not proud of what she did, just honest about it. In later life she began to go to Church and repented and lived a very good life I hope to see her in Heaven someday and be able to say how I loved her in-spite of Jean and Steve. Denial seems to be Jean and Steve's way of life. Me I am what you see. I am not perfect, I will tell you what I think and I will tell you I am wrong probably more often than right. I try to live in a righteous way and not harm or hurt anyone and sometimes I succeed. I ask for nothing from anyone and I will never ever ask for anything from Steve again. I will chose death before I depend on him for anything again. I will try to make this farce of a marriage work in-spite of how much I have been hurt simply because, I made vows before God. I am responsible for them and must keep them, no matter how unhappy and hurt it makes me. I know that I am human and I can not fix my life, but God can fix humans no matter how broken we are. SO I guess that is my strength to keep on living and trying to honor my vows.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Damn I am such a dumb person
Damn I am so hurt and so angry that he has that much control over me. Steve has had $200.00 wells Fargo gift card in his pocket since 07/29/2009. I have been trying to pay off all the returned checks and get the bank account straightened out and pay all the bills on time this month. Didn't buy any groceries until yesterday once all was paid and even sent a $50.00 Walmart gift card to his son as they didn't have groceries either. This was all from money I begged the church for when he said I needed to leave as he prefers DINA and his simulated sex in second life over living with me. I won't let my youngest son borrow money to help me get to Chicago so I can sign up for indigent care in his area. They have no room for me and it is not his families place to take care of me, it is my husbands or mine. As I have no income except 717.00 SSDI per month and that goes to cover the bills here I am just not going to buy his shit. I am staying put until I can figure out a way to either move out to an area I can afford or I am going to sit here till I die and pray they charge him with neglect of a old,disabled person.
I threatened to go to the police and say the bruises and cuts on me were domestic abuse if he doesn't sit down and really talk to me and do it now. He claimed he had not been talking to DINA but I caught him on line with her again last night. All he does is lie and then call his MOMMA and lie to her about how bad he has it. I crawled on my knees pushing the vacuum cleaner to do the floors so he couldn't say I don't keep the house clean. I drive my old 1988 pickup with no Ac in 100+ heat so he won't have to let me borrow his air conditioned car not that he would.. Oh yeah I paid for his damn car and still will have to make 4 more payments as well as pay for his insurance. Yep I still have the morals and love to want all the bills paid off and him to not be left with anything owing when he finally kicks me out. I guess I am just a really bad person that way. I even thought about killing myself after I caught him on the 2nd life site with her last night,but I refuse to let him chose when I die.
Well he is out eating lunch with someone and on the phone to whomever glad he can afford to do that. Me I am eating a peanut butter sandwich for my one meal today. I guess I will end this post with a simple request please pray for me my MS has really flared today and he took me off his insurence and I have no way to get help if it gets worse and no money for meds if I could see a doctor.
I threatened to go to the police and say the bruises and cuts on me were domestic abuse if he doesn't sit down and really talk to me and do it now. He claimed he had not been talking to DINA but I caught him on line with her again last night. All he does is lie and then call his MOMMA and lie to her about how bad he has it. I crawled on my knees pushing the vacuum cleaner to do the floors so he couldn't say I don't keep the house clean. I drive my old 1988 pickup with no Ac in 100+ heat so he won't have to let me borrow his air conditioned car not that he would.. Oh yeah I paid for his damn car and still will have to make 4 more payments as well as pay for his insurance. Yep I still have the morals and love to want all the bills paid off and him to not be left with anything owing when he finally kicks me out. I guess I am just a really bad person that way. I even thought about killing myself after I caught him on the 2nd life site with her last night,but I refuse to let him chose when I die.
Well he is out eating lunch with someone and on the phone to whomever glad he can afford to do that. Me I am eating a peanut butter sandwich for my one meal today. I guess I will end this post with a simple request please pray for me my MS has really flared today and he took me off his insurence and I have no way to get help if it gets worse and no money for meds if I could see a doctor.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Where do I start
Where do I start is the right name for this post.Well Steve finally admitted at the end of July that he has been talking to another women named Dina in Tennessee since last August that makes it a year.When i ask him why he said "I don't know" wow what a cop out. Then he said "even your own kids say that you have mistreated me for over the last 20 years". I said if you felt this way for 20 years, why haven't you said anything to me? How do you expect me to change something I am doing wrong if I don't know I am doing wrong? He just said well you have not been a good person or wife ever. I really am hurt, I trusted him with my soul. I tried for 4 years to tell him that my being 14 years older than him would really show when we reached this stage of life, but he assured me that he understood and loved me and it would never change how he felt about me and us. I thought he was a honest, ethical man and I could trust him with my heart,soul, emotions and mental wellness and married him. What a fool I am. I should have trusted my instincts and never married him.
He said talking about us to a complete stranger is OK and that spending all his time on the phone and in the second life computer area with her is not cheating in a marriage. I feel it is cheating and adultery. So I guess it is all my fault as he so plainly said that our marriage is gone. I believe in the vows I made and feel a marriage is all about being true to the partner I made these vows before God with.I love him with all my heart and soul, but I will not stay here and suffer being insulted and cheated on right to my face and told I am to blame for what he decides and does.
I have gone through all the phases of grief over this. At first I was hurt, then angry, then just plain pissed off,then devastated, now I am resigned to my loss. I know that it is not my problem it is his, but it still hurts and is hard to understand. If he can not even tell me why he feels the way he does, then I can only believe he is using me as a excuse to justify his own short comings and wrong doings. I think he has finally drove me crazy and I need to go some where and untangle my mind.
There is really not much left to hold on to. I am sure no one will wonder where I have gone to if I just leave. My youngest son said you should get at least half of everything he should be the one to leave and find somewhere else to live and he should pay alimony to you for the rest of your life. How little he knows his Mom. I have never taken anything from anyone who wanted nothing to do with me. I know how it feels now to be near someone who only wants me gone. I have always worked and given Steve everything he wanted. Maybe if I could get a job and keep his house spotless as I have always done before, he might still want to be my husband. I can only say that since I moved to Texas and my health has gone down hill to the point I now receive SSDI which is a lot less than the income I made Steve has drawn away from me. I stayed true to my vows and never mentioned when Steve's illness made sex a none part of our relationship (at least this is why he says he no longer wants sex). So why when I can no longer clean our house and work is it so hard for him to continue to love me?????????
Hell why do I even ask. I know that I am responsible for my own happiness. I am going to see that his car is paid off only $800.00 to go on that so 4 more months. Then his loan of $1000.00 just 10 months for that unless I can double up on it after the car is paid for. I will also be trying to put money away to buy me a small RV that I can live in if I have to. Then I will make him happy again( I will leave). I will not divorce him that will be his decision and he will have to file it. I refuse to sign that paper as I said til death do us part. I believe in Eternal marriage and I so wanted to be sealed in the Temple. Ain't gonna happen, I don't believe he knows God is real or even has any faith at all. Maybe it just wasn't meant for me to have this or I haven't done what God expects of me. Either way I will continue to believe the Church has the true keys to the priesthood and the Church is TRUE. I can only cry,pray and read my scriptures as that is really all that I have left in this life.
So to answer the Where do I start question. I start right here where I was on the day I was born. Alone with nothing and I will go on with just faith and existing barely, until I am called to my true Home. Time here is just a learning experience and I have much to learn so I will struggle on and try to learn what I am meant to.
So now I will post this and say for any who read it Life is just life and you are only responsible for yourself and your own actions in the long run. So live as if today is the last day of your life and know you will be explaining to God why you do what you do tonight.
Peace and Love to you all
He said talking about us to a complete stranger is OK and that spending all his time on the phone and in the second life computer area with her is not cheating in a marriage. I feel it is cheating and adultery. So I guess it is all my fault as he so plainly said that our marriage is gone. I believe in the vows I made and feel a marriage is all about being true to the partner I made these vows before God with.I love him with all my heart and soul, but I will not stay here and suffer being insulted and cheated on right to my face and told I am to blame for what he decides and does.
I have gone through all the phases of grief over this. At first I was hurt, then angry, then just plain pissed off,then devastated, now I am resigned to my loss. I know that it is not my problem it is his, but it still hurts and is hard to understand. If he can not even tell me why he feels the way he does, then I can only believe he is using me as a excuse to justify his own short comings and wrong doings. I think he has finally drove me crazy and I need to go some where and untangle my mind.
There is really not much left to hold on to. I am sure no one will wonder where I have gone to if I just leave. My youngest son said you should get at least half of everything he should be the one to leave and find somewhere else to live and he should pay alimony to you for the rest of your life. How little he knows his Mom. I have never taken anything from anyone who wanted nothing to do with me. I know how it feels now to be near someone who only wants me gone. I have always worked and given Steve everything he wanted. Maybe if I could get a job and keep his house spotless as I have always done before, he might still want to be my husband. I can only say that since I moved to Texas and my health has gone down hill to the point I now receive SSDI which is a lot less than the income I made Steve has drawn away from me. I stayed true to my vows and never mentioned when Steve's illness made sex a none part of our relationship (at least this is why he says he no longer wants sex). So why when I can no longer clean our house and work is it so hard for him to continue to love me?????????
Hell why do I even ask. I know that I am responsible for my own happiness. I am going to see that his car is paid off only $800.00 to go on that so 4 more months. Then his loan of $1000.00 just 10 months for that unless I can double up on it after the car is paid for. I will also be trying to put money away to buy me a small RV that I can live in if I have to. Then I will make him happy again( I will leave). I will not divorce him that will be his decision and he will have to file it. I refuse to sign that paper as I said til death do us part. I believe in Eternal marriage and I so wanted to be sealed in the Temple. Ain't gonna happen, I don't believe he knows God is real or even has any faith at all. Maybe it just wasn't meant for me to have this or I haven't done what God expects of me. Either way I will continue to believe the Church has the true keys to the priesthood and the Church is TRUE. I can only cry,pray and read my scriptures as that is really all that I have left in this life.
So to answer the Where do I start question. I start right here where I was on the day I was born. Alone with nothing and I will go on with just faith and existing barely, until I am called to my true Home. Time here is just a learning experience and I have much to learn so I will struggle on and try to learn what I am meant to.
So now I will post this and say for any who read it Life is just life and you are only responsible for yourself and your own actions in the long run. So live as if today is the last day of your life and know you will be explaining to God why you do what you do tonight.
Peace and Love to you all
Friday, July 17, 2009
Saving grace
I think of PLM as my Saving Grace. I sit by the phone waiting for God to send my callin, I don't even think God can save me. I know that PLM can stop bullets it has two times so far. I read how the folks on here deal with the adversities of life not just MS and wonder. When do you get to tired to deal? Been dealing for so long. Born alone we die alone, have nothin but sex,drugs, and rock'n'roll and one more trip around the sun. Another year older and my work ain't done got to write my last chapter. Just trying to figure out what is hear after. I guess it is just deal the cards and roll the dice.
Seems the above is where I find my self more and more. I try to have hope seems I am losing faith. I no longer have friends to be there and I don't really care. I am the one everyone comes to to fix everything, love, heartache, grief, jobs, politics at work , family disputes, what to do for whatever. If they only knew I can't even fix myself. I talk to an unseen Angel and Lord help that Angel I am his lost soul case. I want to help all and I know what a fraud I am.
I am not depressed today just being honest with the world that may or may not care. I have always been honest with myself. I know my flaws and strengths. That is the sad part I have no secrets. i have no hidden agenda or ultra motive. I hate life but love liven and do not ever want to die. i want to see the end of the world and go to the next level to see what happens. Hell I question God every hour of every day. If he has the power why give it to people like me.
I put this Blog up here to simply show that the raw side of life can be affected by something so simple as a post on PLM that a lurker sees. I post my blogs as Angelsfairytell on Blogger.com and at wordpress.com I have no readers but I blog to hear the thoughts that I cannot articulate in my world as someone would have me committed if they heard them.
Please know I do depend on PLM more than I should but it is a resource that has kept me from blowing my head off more than once. It has helped me fight MS, depression, and all the shit that comes with them. I spend to much time now days wishing i was in country and never returned to civilized world in the late 60's or early 70's. I hate what people have done to America being so scared to voice their opinion about the political correctness crap etc. Hell speak English, be American and let the rest just be history. Come legally and work hard don't ask for handouts from the government.If you worked here then receive the help available but don't move granny here and demand SS for her she isn't our problem she is yours. BE RESPONSIBLE for yourself, your family then donate what you can to others. That is the American way.
Shit I need a drink or drugs or something now. I haven't had a drink or drugs since 1972 but i am seriously thinking of starting up old habits. I didn't hurt and I didn't give a damn if I did then. Now all I do is hurt, emotionally, mentally and of course physically. I love livin but I want to live without this shit in my head.
I don't even think God can save me. Angel
Seems the above is where I find my self more and more. I try to have hope seems I am losing faith. I no longer have friends to be there and I don't really care. I am the one everyone comes to to fix everything, love, heartache, grief, jobs, politics at work , family disputes, what to do for whatever. If they only knew I can't even fix myself. I talk to an unseen Angel and Lord help that Angel I am his lost soul case. I want to help all and I know what a fraud I am.
I am not depressed today just being honest with the world that may or may not care. I have always been honest with myself. I know my flaws and strengths. That is the sad part I have no secrets. i have no hidden agenda or ultra motive. I hate life but love liven and do not ever want to die. i want to see the end of the world and go to the next level to see what happens. Hell I question God every hour of every day. If he has the power why give it to people like me.
I put this Blog up here to simply show that the raw side of life can be affected by something so simple as a post on PLM that a lurker sees. I post my blogs as Angelsfairytell on Blogger.com and at wordpress.com I have no readers but I blog to hear the thoughts that I cannot articulate in my world as someone would have me committed if they heard them.
Please know I do depend on PLM more than I should but it is a resource that has kept me from blowing my head off more than once. It has helped me fight MS, depression, and all the shit that comes with them. I spend to much time now days wishing i was in country and never returned to civilized world in the late 60's or early 70's. I hate what people have done to America being so scared to voice their opinion about the political correctness crap etc. Hell speak English, be American and let the rest just be history. Come legally and work hard don't ask for handouts from the government.If you worked here then receive the help available but don't move granny here and demand SS for her she isn't our problem she is yours. BE RESPONSIBLE for yourself, your family then donate what you can to others. That is the American way.
Shit I need a drink or drugs or something now. I haven't had a drink or drugs since 1972 but i am seriously thinking of starting up old habits. I didn't hurt and I didn't give a damn if I did then. Now all I do is hurt, emotionally, mentally and of course physically. I love livin but I want to live without this shit in my head.
I don't even think God can save me. Angel
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Hot Day in Texas
Well another 100+ day here. I hate this weather I think I just hate it because I cannot get out of my house I used to love summer. I loved living near the ocean having friends to talk to and walk along the beach's or go to the bars and people watch.
On the other hand I am reading the Twilight books and loving them. I only buy one a month or I would never do anything but read. I love sci-fi, history, police drama and just about anything that makes me think out of the box. I really have not defined the edges of my box. I watch CSI, NCIS, etc on TV so you kind of get me labeled as a cop show type. But I LURVE ELLEN, so guess my box is kind of diverse. I would love to work for the CIA and be able to use my talent of gathering obscure info and putting it all together to get answers. I have done this my entire life. Most people who know me have thought I was physic. I would just call it a mentalist type of gift. I do work to strengthen my talent and get some awesome results when I actually get a vision type flash. My grandmother and an Uncle had a 6th sense and I have it also. We can actually see things happening before it happens this is a good thing and it is a bad thing. I try not to let people know I have this gift as I can not control when or if I will get a picture of something. I have a problem telling people something that is going to happen to them good or bad. I think life should be a grand adventure and adventures hold unknowns.
Speaking of adventures I Want One. I want to find a place close to the Pacific Ocean that I can afford to live, so I can enjoy the last of my life watching the majestic waves and storms roll in. I would love to live in a small community close to San Diego with a view of the ocean. Ain't going to happen but I can dream. Hell, all I can do is dream, but I fear I am failing in my daily life. I have found this blog is a lifeline to my sanity.Of course, some say I lost that fight long ago.I kind of agree, because my life has had its crazy side.
I have so many cats who live in my life, they really do have strong personalities an rule me versus me ruling them. I am glad I have them as they and this computer are my life now. Oh yeah, I have Jasper who brays to me each morning from a neighbors field. Jasper is a jackass and he knows his place in the universe. He seems happen to entertain me and roll in the dirt then munch the rest of the day away in the shade of the one tree in his field. Satisfaction with ones circumstances is what we all want ,but can't seem to get no matter what our circumstances are. Boy I am waxing philosophical today. Oh to really be so grand a master of thought and word. Well that is all of my genius I have to impart for now. Hope at the least anyone who stumbles across this had a nice break in their day and enjoyed my story.
On the other hand I am reading the Twilight books and loving them. I only buy one a month or I would never do anything but read. I love sci-fi, history, police drama and just about anything that makes me think out of the box. I really have not defined the edges of my box. I watch CSI, NCIS, etc on TV so you kind of get me labeled as a cop show type. But I LURVE ELLEN, so guess my box is kind of diverse. I would love to work for the CIA and be able to use my talent of gathering obscure info and putting it all together to get answers. I have done this my entire life. Most people who know me have thought I was physic. I would just call it a mentalist type of gift. I do work to strengthen my talent and get some awesome results when I actually get a vision type flash. My grandmother and an Uncle had a 6th sense and I have it also. We can actually see things happening before it happens this is a good thing and it is a bad thing. I try not to let people know I have this gift as I can not control when or if I will get a picture of something. I have a problem telling people something that is going to happen to them good or bad. I think life should be a grand adventure and adventures hold unknowns.
Speaking of adventures I Want One. I want to find a place close to the Pacific Ocean that I can afford to live, so I can enjoy the last of my life watching the majestic waves and storms roll in. I would love to live in a small community close to San Diego with a view of the ocean. Ain't going to happen but I can dream. Hell, all I can do is dream, but I fear I am failing in my daily life. I have found this blog is a lifeline to my sanity.Of course, some say I lost that fight long ago.I kind of agree, because my life has had its crazy side.
I have so many cats who live in my life, they really do have strong personalities an rule me versus me ruling them. I am glad I have them as they and this computer are my life now. Oh yeah, I have Jasper who brays to me each morning from a neighbors field. Jasper is a jackass and he knows his place in the universe. He seems happen to entertain me and roll in the dirt then munch the rest of the day away in the shade of the one tree in his field. Satisfaction with ones circumstances is what we all want ,but can't seem to get no matter what our circumstances are. Boy I am waxing philosophical today. Oh to really be so grand a master of thought and word. Well that is all of my genius I have to impart for now. Hope at the least anyone who stumbles across this had a nice break in their day and enjoyed my story.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Babysitting the world
Well here I sit Babysitting the World. It's hot in Texas as is the normal case in July. I did hear from my 3 boys this weekend and enjoyed that. Funny how you can't wait for them to grow up and adventure out into the world then miss them so. I spent some quality time on the Patients Like Me(PLM) site tonight. Some really neat folks converse on there. It is better than family, they don't judge you and really encourage you when you need it. I am in a kind of funny mood tonite, not happy not sad just silly. Nearly everything I see or read tickles my funny bone. Guess I spend to much time watching my tweets,facebook and myspace, where it is mostly doom and gloom. Maybe I should follow happier sites, you think. I do follow a lot of news groups and a few friends so it's not to bad.
I am still trying to get up the courage to write a Children's book. I have it written in my head, however I am a storyteller not a writer. I am sure I would need a good editor. LOL
I have this same blog name on word-press.com and wonder if I can tie them together so I can post them with one writing? If my genius son the IT manager would leave the cool weather of Chicago and visit maybe he could show me. I can really complicate my life when I want too.
I still have some problems with the marriage stuff, but I am trying to forgive the lies and betrayals. I even went so far as to contact his friend to see what Nebraska was like. He seems so discontented with his job here at this time. Maybe he will try the same career in a different state again. Or maybe he just wants a divorce and is trying to get me to leave him so he can save face. I talked to my Bishop and have prayed about it so much. I have decided that he will be the one to leave or change. I did nothing wrong and love him dearly. I know that my having MS is a serious drain on this marriage. I also know that he had a surgery years ago that ended the marriage bed part and I learned to live with that, so why can't he live with my disabilities?
Yuck this post turned into Whine and Cheese. I refuse to go there. but speaking of food.
I bought some tube type green teas and love them. I just shake them up in a bottle of cold water and they are so good. I have always hated the gritty, nasty taste of instant tea, but these taste fresh brewed. I buy the Lipton brand and really drink to much of them, but they are so good. I plan on finding them in my grocery and buying all the flavors that sound good. They really made my road trip convenient.
Well that is all for now. I guess I really had very little to say tonight.
I am still trying to get up the courage to write a Children's book. I have it written in my head, however I am a storyteller not a writer. I am sure I would need a good editor. LOL
I have this same blog name on word-press.com and wonder if I can tie them together so I can post them with one writing? If my genius son the IT manager would leave the cool weather of Chicago and visit maybe he could show me. I can really complicate my life when I want too.
I still have some problems with the marriage stuff, but I am trying to forgive the lies and betrayals. I even went so far as to contact his friend to see what Nebraska was like. He seems so discontented with his job here at this time. Maybe he will try the same career in a different state again. Or maybe he just wants a divorce and is trying to get me to leave him so he can save face. I talked to my Bishop and have prayed about it so much. I have decided that he will be the one to leave or change. I did nothing wrong and love him dearly. I know that my having MS is a serious drain on this marriage. I also know that he had a surgery years ago that ended the marriage bed part and I learned to live with that, so why can't he live with my disabilities?
Yuck this post turned into Whine and Cheese. I refuse to go there. but speaking of food.
I bought some tube type green teas and love them. I just shake them up in a bottle of cold water and they are so good. I have always hated the gritty, nasty taste of instant tea, but these taste fresh brewed. I buy the Lipton brand and really drink to much of them, but they are so good. I plan on finding them in my grocery and buying all the flavors that sound good. They really made my road trip convenient.
Well that is all for now. I guess I really had very little to say tonight.
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