Just added this app to encourage myself to blog regularly.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Been over a year
WOW how life has gone on. In June 2010 had to move from the house we were in to a trailer in town. Marriage is still just a room mate type thing. I am OK with this as it at least is no longer a stressful situation.
MS has been a real eye opener. My body has a mind of its own. There are bad day and worse days but over all they are just days. I am fascinated with the workings of my body/brain connection. Cold feelings when boiling water splashes on my foot, my arm suddenly flapping as if I am trying to fly, numbness but able to feel pressure, hands that just release what I am holding or throw it. walking as if I am drunk, word searching, none existent memory,then all is normal. Fatigue so bad upon awakening that I feel as if I have been ditch digging in 130 degree heat for a straight 72 hours without a break. Fatigue that I can not really describe has such a negative affect on a person, mental,physical and emotional. Of course due to MS I am becoming better educated about the CNS of the body, politics, prejudice,the cruelty of rejection, pharmacology, hope,despair,even how to understand myself.
I am so worried that my son's will feel I have not given them the basis to build their lives on as a Mother. I am proud of each of them and know they are OK, but I worry I was so naive as a Mom that I didn't give them what they needed.
I so enjoy the few short trips I get to make now days. I still want to go to the ocean and sit and watch the waves come in. The sound is something I miss. Maybe I will make it one more time. Dreams of a tropical island, palm trees and a beautiful sunset. Just writing that brought a smile to my face.
I am in such a better place now that I have come to terms with the fact I am responsible for me and only me. God can take care of the other stuff. God carries me when I need and leads me to where I can care for me.
I have started to see the MD at the MS clinic in Dallas. I really just need to see her for my scripts at this time. Hope that is how it stays. She did prescribe Provigil for the fatigue and I hope it helps. I still give myself a daily shot of Copaxone. She also wrote a script for PT but I haven't had transportation to start it. I really need it as my muscles are getting weaker and weaker. Procrastination is my friend. LOL
My uncle Wayne always wanted me to write books, but I am more a story teller than a writer. But recently several people who have read some of my post on PLM have said I need to be a writer. Most of those post were comments on my take on what MS was doing to me the falls (checking to see if the carpet was smooth),arms doing odd things (alien abduction) just silly explanations and humor to deal with this disease. Maybe I should write some of the stories as they are really pretty funny if you aren't the one it is happening to. If I laugh at myself then others may feel more comfortable around me. Besides it is better to laugh than cry.
All these words and nothing said, I hope to make it to this blog at least once a week to journal this trip. MS is a trip of unknown destination. At least I won't be bored, boring maybe but never bored.
MS has been a real eye opener. My body has a mind of its own. There are bad day and worse days but over all they are just days. I am fascinated with the workings of my body/brain connection. Cold feelings when boiling water splashes on my foot, my arm suddenly flapping as if I am trying to fly, numbness but able to feel pressure, hands that just release what I am holding or throw it. walking as if I am drunk, word searching, none existent memory,then all is normal. Fatigue so bad upon awakening that I feel as if I have been ditch digging in 130 degree heat for a straight 72 hours without a break. Fatigue that I can not really describe has such a negative affect on a person, mental,physical and emotional. Of course due to MS I am becoming better educated about the CNS of the body, politics, prejudice,the cruelty of rejection, pharmacology, hope,despair,even how to understand myself.
I am so worried that my son's will feel I have not given them the basis to build their lives on as a Mother. I am proud of each of them and know they are OK, but I worry I was so naive as a Mom that I didn't give them what they needed.
I so enjoy the few short trips I get to make now days. I still want to go to the ocean and sit and watch the waves come in. The sound is something I miss. Maybe I will make it one more time. Dreams of a tropical island, palm trees and a beautiful sunset. Just writing that brought a smile to my face.
I am in such a better place now that I have come to terms with the fact I am responsible for me and only me. God can take care of the other stuff. God carries me when I need and leads me to where I can care for me.
I have started to see the MD at the MS clinic in Dallas. I really just need to see her for my scripts at this time. Hope that is how it stays. She did prescribe Provigil for the fatigue and I hope it helps. I still give myself a daily shot of Copaxone. She also wrote a script for PT but I haven't had transportation to start it. I really need it as my muscles are getting weaker and weaker. Procrastination is my friend. LOL
My uncle Wayne always wanted me to write books, but I am more a story teller than a writer. But recently several people who have read some of my post on PLM have said I need to be a writer. Most of those post were comments on my take on what MS was doing to me the falls (checking to see if the carpet was smooth),arms doing odd things (alien abduction) just silly explanations and humor to deal with this disease. Maybe I should write some of the stories as they are really pretty funny if you aren't the one it is happening to. If I laugh at myself then others may feel more comfortable around me. Besides it is better to laugh than cry.
All these words and nothing said, I hope to make it to this blog at least once a week to journal this trip. MS is a trip of unknown destination. At least I won't be bored, boring maybe but never bored.
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