Saving grace

I think of PLM as my Saving Grace. I sit by the phone waiting for God to send my callin, I don't even think God can save me. I know that PLM can stop bullets it has two times so far. I read how the folks on here deal with the adversities of life not just MS and wonder. When do you get to tired to deal? Been dealing for so long. Born alone we die alone, have nothin but sex,drugs, and rock'n'roll and one more trip around the sun. Another year older and my work ain't done got to write my last chapter. Just trying to figure out what is hear after. I guess it is just deal the cards and roll the dice.

Seems the above is where I find my self more and more. I try to have hope seems I am losing faith. I no longer have friends to be there and I don't really care. I am the one everyone comes to to fix everything, love, heartache, grief, jobs, politics at work , family disputes, what to do for whatever. If they only knew I can't even fix myself. I talk to an unseen Angel and Lord help that Angel I am his lost soul case. I want to help all and I know what a fraud I am.

I am not depressed today just being honest with the world that may or may not care. I have always been honest with myself. I know my flaws and strengths. That is the sad part I have no secrets. i have no hidden agenda or ultra motive. I hate life but love liven and do not ever want to die. i want to see the end of the world and go to the next level to see what happens. Hell I question God every hour of every day. If he has the power why give it to people like me.

I put this Blog up here to simply show that the raw side of life can be affected by something so simple as a post on PLM that a lurker sees. I post my blogs as Angelsfairytell on Blogger.com and at wordpress.com I have no readers but I blog to hear the thoughts that I cannot articulate in my world as someone would have me committed if they heard them.

Please know I do depend on PLM more than I should but it is a resource that has kept me from blowing my head off more than once. It has helped me fight MS, depression, and all the shit that comes with them. I spend to much time now days wishing i was in country and never returned to civilized world in the late 60's or early 70's. I hate what people have done to America being so scared to voice their opinion about the political correctness crap etc. Hell speak English, be American and let the rest just be history. Come legally and work hard don't ask for handouts from the government.If you worked here then receive the help available but don't move granny here and demand SS for her she isn't our problem she is yours. BE RESPONSIBLE for yourself, your family then donate what you can to others. That is the American way.

Shit I need a drink or drugs or something now. I haven't had a drink or drugs since 1972 but i am seriously thinking of starting up old habits. I didn't hurt and I didn't give a damn if I did then. Now all I do is hurt, emotionally, mentally and of course physically. I love livin but I want to live without this shit in my head.

I don't even think God can save me. Angel